I dedicate this post to a recent sleepless night.
Have you ever had one of those nights? Nights where insomnia rules and sleeplessness is about more than a busy mind that won’t quit.
It was one of those nights.
Let me back up a bit… It would make more sense to say that I went to bed after praying for answers, frustrated (and angry) that I hadn’t gotten a ‘response’. Then I sank into this weird dream and couldn’t shake it or wake from it… until I recognized this WAS the response and I had to figured out the ‘message’.
The lesson/message was: “More, not Less”.
Long story short (but not really)…. is this: With the right people, when you can admit/own your mistake, you are loved MORE, not less. Demonstrating vulnerability (to the right people) opens your heart to give and receive love; it doesn’t close your heart to love or being loved.
One of my besties, Stephanie, is a classic example of this reality. It was Stephanie who told me almost three decades ago (in a handwritten note) that she saw through my tough, ‘never shows hurt feelings’ facade. She wrote that she knew it was my way of trying to protect myself from other people hurting me. She ended the note by saying that she loved me even more for my deep sensitivity- which was ironic since it is something I tried to hide from the world.
That note from Stephanie shook me… her simple statement of what she knew to be true (that I am very sensitive, though I try so hard to hide it) cemented our lifelong friendship even further. I always perceived my sensitivity to be my greatest weakness, so I worked (and still work) hard to hide it, especially when I am afraid of being hurt. Instead of my normal “WALL” to hide my feelings/hurt, I know I have a safe space with her- a place where I don’t have to be so tough and emotionless all the time. It’s why I love her so much; I don’t have to be ‘perfectly in control’ of my feelings and I don’t have to hide my hurt. I have that with very few people. She loves me MORE, not less because of it.
Why am I sharing this with with you? I think we could all stand to learn this lesson. We don’t have to be ‘right’ or ‘perfect’ for the right people. With the right people, we can admit we made a bad decision, or screwed up or handled something poorly and we’ll be loved even MORE for our honesty, ownership and imperfections, not less.
The ‘right’ people don’t revel in the “I told you so” mentality. They empathize with our hurt, and can honestly, and gently redirect us to the lessons, along with some good advice on how to proceed.
Find the right people.
Find the right people who will love you for your humanity, imperfections, and vulnerability.
Choose people who LOVE YOU MORE, not less.
