I’m departing from the format of my previous Therapy Thursday posts. In past TT posts, I shared some of the lessons I learned in therapy sessions with my awesome (former) therapist Ken. Sessions were full of unbiased perspective, thoughtful lessons in humility, and reminders of the importance of grace- for myself and others. All those Therapy Thursday sessions from over a decade ago continue to be helpful to me (and hopefully they’ve been helpful to you as well). We’ll get back to those eventually, but for the foreseeable future, I’ve decided to take the combination of previous lessons from therapy sessions, all my decades of life experience PLUS my emotional angst 😬🤪, add in some real life situations – then roll it up into a neat little package, and unveil it, along with my perspective, in this and future Therapy Thursday posts.
You get bonus points if a post helps you sort through some of the chaos that we all have swimming in our heads. And, you’ll earn two gold stars if it helps you shift your thoughts, patterns and behaviors in a more positive and healthy direction.
Alright, let’s get started!
This will be short and sweet, but I promise- the wisdom is here in spades. I’m going to skip the fluff and go straight to a real life example that demonstrates why it is so important to consider your source and evaluate whether that person is feeding you ‘poison’ that hurts you (and your relationships) or nurturing you with healthy, wholesome thinking.
Who has your ear?
I’ll pause here, because I really want you to think about this.
Whose advice do you listen to?
Who do you allow to influence your thoughts, your actions and your relationships?
More importantly, in what headspace and heart space are their words are coming from?
REAL LIFE EXAMPLE:
I know a man who is SO bitter after the demise of his marriage, that even now, 40+ years later, he is still sending hateful letters about his ex-wife to the children she had with her second husband.
Yes, you read that correctly: It’s been over 40 years since they divorced. Both have moved on with their lives- to include remarriage by both parties. Her children are adults with families of their own- they’ve had DECADES to form their own opinion about their mom, based on the personal relationship they have with her.
What could her ex-husband of 40+ years possibly have to say that would be of value to them?
Nothing, absolutely nothing. He is just spewing hatred and discontent that stems from his own unhappiness. He clearly has NOT moved on, nor has he done any self-reflection to examine all the valid reasons she had for leaving him. (Just the fact that he’s still sending hate mail decades later raises huge red flags and suggests what it must have been like to be married to him.)
My point is this: Is this someone that anyone should take ANY relationship advice from?
No, absolutely not.
So ask yourself: Who has my ear, and should they?
Be careful whose counsel you seek and whose advice you listen to.
“Always consider the source of your advice. Advice cannot be neutral, the source of advice is just as important as actual words.”
1 Comment
Excellent and thought provoking question. It’s so important to consider the motivation someone has for the advice they provide – do they have your best interests at heart? Is it coming from a place of love and care? If the answer isn’t a definitive ‘yes’, consider how much weight – if any – to give to said advice.