Session 14: Parenting with One Minute Discipline
Is it any surprise that since I struggled to communicate effectively with my (now-ex) husband, I also sometimes struggled with my children? (Doesn’t every parent, at one time or another?)
The Lord blessed me with two intelligent, independent, outspoken children – a son and daughter, six years apart.
Oh, and did I mention that they were/are strong-willed? (I can only blame myself and my genetics…)
This meant that once I had (barely) survived ushering one child through one (of a series) of their challenging stages, the other entered with full force and a desire to test me in ways the first had not.
Enter the concept of One Minute Discipline.
Ken taught me this strategy after I told him that I didn’t want to be a “yeller” (like my mom) or nag incessantly and that I didn’t know what to do since I sometimes just could not seem to get through to my kids.
It is INGENIOUS and effective.
Try this 4 step process:
For the first 20 seconds, be transparent and authentic about your feelings, and ensure that your feelings match your words
Pause meaningfully, and allow time for all parties (parent & child) to reflect on what was said/heard.
This is a time of self-control for you and anticipation for your child
Share some of the reasons you love this child, give them a positive affirmation AND (not but) then tell them:
There are times when you forget what I told you or you just don’t feel like doing it.
At those times, it is my job as a parent to remind you.
Pause, make sure you have their full attention.
Ask, “Now, why am I scolding you?”
This works very well— but only if you use it.
CONFESSION: Unfortunately, as my kids got older (and lippier), my exasperation would get the best of me and this handy tool would fly out the window with my patience.
May you be more successful than me in this endeavor!
1 Comment
This is wonderful! In all the parenting books I’ve read, I do not recall something so straightforward. I have no doubt I will be able to test it out with my little one.
The pausing may take some practise – when I’m exasperated, I tend to speak quickly…