Romans 12:15 New International Version (ESV)
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.
I struggle with the contrast within this scripture.
The joy part I can get behind– yes please!
Of course I want to be joyful when others are joyful, but who really wants to willingly wallow and weep, especially with someone else?
Nothing about that sounds… comfortable.
Which is precisely why this scripture challenges me. I’m trying (though not always successfully) to live it.
Why? Why would anyone choose to dwell in grief with someone else and their pain? For me, it’s a reminder that I spent too many years fearing grief, pain and loss, especially other people’s. If I could’t “fix” it and I didn’t know what to do or how being part of their grieving would help them, it was more than I could bear. And it scared me.
I’m tired of being afraid.
I spent too long resisting being present and bearing witness to grief’s power over anyone and everyone.
And I was unwilling to acknowledge its capacity to wreak destruction- especially on my own heart, mind and spirit.
Though we may try to deny it, we all experience joy and grief at one time or another.
Unwillingly, maybe, but they remain an indelible part of our lives.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone.
Have you heard that quote, which is from the poem, Solitude?
Do you agree with it? The answer may depend on whether you know who you are, and whose you are…
For me, as a Christ follower and God’s child, I have to remind myself: we are not of this earth.
(I mean, yes, God shaped us from dust and made us (Genesis 2:7), so technically, we are from the earth, but HE made us. We are of him, we are from him.) That trumps everything else.
Which is why it is important to embrace ALL of this scripture, not just the easy, joyous part.
How?
Remember how I mentioned earlier that I fear the strength of grief, pain and loss?
While it still unsettles me, I’ve discovered a secret to combatting it.
CHOOSING TO BE PRESENT
We’ve heard that “everyone likes a party”, but, paradoxically, the opposite can also be true. Consider also “Misery loves company”.
When we accept that we may not be able to make the pain go away, but still choose to be present, supporting and acknowledging someone else’s grief and loss, it is powerful– very powerful.
"Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow."
Even if you can’t make the pain go away. Show up.
Even if you don’t know what to say, Show up.
Pain, grief and loss are often displayed so honestly and authentically that your response should be the same- equally honest and authentic.
You don’t have to know what to say, and you don’t have to know what to do, just be there.
Your presence can be a balm on a hurting heart. The fact that you show up to love and support someone in their time of grief is even more powerful than when you celebrate their successes.
Being fully present to acknowledge someone’s pain and grief is an act of love. It may be awkward for you, but it is anchoring for them. Your presence and support can keep someone grounded, It’s a visible, tangible reminder of the love and support that surrounds them, even when they are lost in the darkness of pain, loss & grief.
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You are a star in my sky.
Thank you for showing up.
But I know you would even if it wasn’t required by scripture.